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"He only wanted to bed me"
Dear Lynn,

I seem to have problems maintaing relationships. I have been hurt a lot in the past so have a defence mechanism now where I leave the guy before he can leave me.However recently I found a guy I have known practically forever and I thought we would work. But he only wanted to get me in to bed and so I ended the relationship. Why do most guys I date just want me for this,as I dont just jump into bed with them?

Anon, 25yr old female - Posted: 25/11/2007
Lynn says.. Page: 1 . 2 . Next
Posted: 28/11/07 15:02
Hello. You say that you are ending relationships with guys before they dump you. How do you know that they are going to dump you! Just because you may have been dumped in the past doesn’t mean that every guy you date will dump you.

For all you know, you could have dated a really lovely guy that was really into you, who didn’t just want to get you into bed but you dumped him so he didn’t get the chance to show you how much he cared etc. All the guys that you have dumped probably feel the exact same way you do, asking themselves why they have been dumped and what did they do wrong?

Most men at some point will want to get the lady they are dating into bed, (I said most NOT all) this is quite normal for guys, it’s not just the ones that YOU are dating. If you don’t want to have sex, and feel you are not ready, that is fine. If he truly likes you, he will be patient and wait. If he doesn’t and dumps you, then you know that he didn’t really think much about you and your feelings in the first place, so probably isn’t best suited to you. I should say at this point it depends on how long you’re making them wait. If you’re the kind of lady that doesn’t believe in sex before marriage lets say, maybe you should let them know that up front, as you may find that MOST men would not be that patient, so you could be wasting each others time in even dating Good luck
Second Opinions..
BONNIE1

Joined: 27th Jul '02
Posted: 13/01/08 00:08
All of the men I have met thru this site fell into the category described by SUGARSPICE30. I have faith however that you are not all like that.
BOLD-BITCH68


Joined: 9th Sep '07
Posted: 12/01/08 21:35 1 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
its a shame when men let themselves down and give you the elbow if you dont go to bed with them but sometimes you find when you have been to bed with them its over before its started (not the sex the relationship) but just be safe if you do have sex and have fun along the way lifes about living we are a long time dead xx good luck
DISGRACE


Joined: 23rd Aug '07
Posted: 11/01/08 22:45 1 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
it is hard when women generally attach emotion to sex and make it love. The two things together can be the most awesome thing ans immensley rare. value yourself for the wonderful person you are and its like holding up a mirror, the people around you will value you as well.
JACKANORY

Joined: 22nd Apr '02
Posted: 10/01/08 00:37
Broggie, first normal and sensible thing I have read here.. welcome to reality.. women also want sex too. And some even JUST want that.. if you didnt, then.. there is a balancing act - women want a relationship, men want sex. Simple more or less. The art is, moving it past that first initial sex stage. If you were meant to be together, then things would work out. If they werent, then just move on, get over it, and enjoy it as far as it went! I am sure the right guy will turn up eventually. Dare I say it, more experience will make you a) actually a better lover so you can wow your long term partner and b) actually better able to discern someone who is looking for the long haul... experience is under rated!
SPARKY36


Joined: 23rd Nov '06
Posted: 08/01/08 23:27 1 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
make it 98% petal because sex is not high on my list of priorities,if a guy loves you he will wait 4 sure,love is more than just sex and if anyone thinks different then there is a problem,you will find that guy im sure and be happy,good luck
BROGGIE


Joined: 15th Apr '02
Posted: 03/01/08 13:28
"Something that's not yet been said is that going to bed together doesn't have to mean having to have sex. It's quite possible to enjoy the intimacy of sleeping in the same bed, perhaps with PJs, and not to have sex. "

Yeah like that's gonna work, sorry but I personally think the nearly all blokes would have to be dead or suffer badly from ED to carry this one off.


"For a man to feel loved. That man wants sex
For a woman to want sex. She needs to feel loved. "

I feel the first part portrays the man in a bit of a negative light 'want' is not the best word, neither is it the most accurate.

For a man to feel loved. That man needs sex to be part of loving relationship, its a gift between both partners.

"I'd say watch out if you really like him. Dangle his needs like a carrot. Its power you control. Its a very powerful currency he has to prove his value for.."


A good man has confidence in himself. If someone felt the need to 'dangle my needs' to prove myself...I think not only would I be looking elsewhere for a loving relationship, but that they themselves would have a very lonely time ahead.

Just my pennyworth.


Ray.
ELTEL1

Joined: 10th Sep '06
Posted: 01/01/08 18:39
This is the 21st Century. Maybe it`s time we separated physical pleasure from mental pleasure. You`ll not die, it`s not poison. If you have a massive ego then you do have a problem. Why do `women` feel they are being exploited? this is surely a reciprocal arrangement. In conclusion, aren`t we all goverened by our most primary instincts?
BEEMER


Joined: 18th Apr '02
Posted: 01/01/08 18:39 0 out of 3 people found this comment helpful.
I've heard of a saying..........

For a man to feel loved. That man wants sex
For a woman to want sex. She needs to feel loved.

I'd say watch out if you really like him. Dangle his needs like a carrot. Its power you control. Its a very powerful currency he has to prove his value for..

All the best for this new year. Andy x
BROGGIE


Joined: 15th Apr '02
Posted: 21/12/07 18:40 1 out of 2 people found this comment helpful.
Let's cut the crap...Men want sex and women want sex too. I've always firmly believed that the first bite is with the eye. The woman says 'he's looking at my boobs'. Of course he is, he hasnt had any time to get to know you, your thoughts, your interests, so he only has what he sees in front of him...Your physical self.
I like sex and I'm a tactile person, its the way I relate when building a relationship (and after I've built it) it doesnt mean that's the only thing I want, but at first thats the most obvious connection between men and women.
However men should respect the gift that is given to them as it is a source of joy to both partners if shared with consideration and does not end just because the physical act is finished. Early sex can be special and meaningful...doesnt have to be an end in itself.


Ray.
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