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"How do I start again ?"
Dear Lynn,

i have just recently split from my husband off 28yrs he was having an affair i was totally gutted i have been with him since i was 17yrs.the problem now is where and how do i start over again .i have a very low self asteam off myself and i dont go anywhere apart from work to meet anyone im in a strange place just dont know what to do any more i am only 45yrs but i think my life is over and carnt seem to get it out off my head that nobody else will want me ?

 Anon, 45yr old female - Posted: 06/02/2008
Lynn says.. Page: 1 . 2 . Next
Posted: 25/02/08 15:08
Hi there. It's not surprising you feel the way you do, 28 years is a long time. As the old saying goes "time is a healer". Your life isn’t over, just the life as you knew it. This is a new start, and brand new beginning, so grab it with both hands and learn to enjoy it. Humans are creatures of habit so it’s going to be very strange at first. You’re not used to thinking only of yourself, but you’re now free to do what you want when you want with who you want. Why not start by making by sorting out this low self a steam. Go and get a brand new hair style/colour, buy yourself a few new outfits, new life, new you. Get yourself out in the world, there’s so much to do and see. Go out with friends in the evenings/weekends, perhaps join a gym, yoga classes, and take up salsa. You worried that nobody will want you, but why worry about that now? Just worry about you and what you want, not what other people may or may not want
You will find that the more you learn to like yourself the more other people will like you. He is moving on with his life, so move on with yours. That doesn’t mean you have to meet someone else, learn to be happy in your own company for a while, you may find that you quite enjoy it.
Second Opinions..
IRENE


Joined: 17th Sep '02
Posted: 07/05/08 13:13
Your life's not over, it's just slowed down a bit, and that's giving you time to decide what to do next.
Don't think of any guys who cross your path as new lovers, but as new friends. It's a bit of old advice to try night classes etc, but they do work, and the one good thing is that everyone is there for the same reason - learning a foreign lanuage, how to dance, how to cater a dinner party etc etc etc.

Even if you only make female friends, well they're friends that you would not have made otherwise.

GOTHCHIX

Joined: 7th May '08
Posted: 07/05/08 10:28
hi anon, look at all these people an what they say , if u cud put it on a piece of paper an read it,

I did cos well sort of, im in same situaton as u, my partner left me (only we together 5 yrs) she left me with no note, no warning, i got back to flat she'd uped sticks an gone without a word, that was 3 months now, i still miss her an want her back, but she's not cumin back thats obvious now, i have to look forward,,,

As for anyone not wantin u , I'm sure theres lots of people that would gladly give you a great big cuddle an a hug, I would love to give you a big humongous cuddle and a great big loving hug,

I feel the same as you as though theres no one out there for me or even wants me, but im holdin out I know theres someone there somewheere,

DONT GIVE UP,

get all the things that remind you of him, put them in big box, have a damn good cry over them an put them in a cupboard, get them out a few days later ave a good look at them things again, put them away again,

get out an about , join a group, join a nite class, volunteer, I'd say go out on a nite out with some friends, talk to some friends about how you feel , have a chuffing good cry with a friend, write it down on paper your anger your thoughts of him, what he did, everything on paper and burn it, ON NO ACCOUNTS ..D.O..N.O.T..S.E.N.D..H.I.M..IT

Its a crappy poo poo thing for him to have done to you, its selfish,

Ohhh I'm waffling,,, anyhoo sweetheart dont put yourself down,

ITS A hard time for you, i know you how you feel, im going through the same turmoil,

KEEP POSTIN HERE LET US KNOW HOW YOUR GETTIN ON,

ALL THE BEST SWEETHEART, AN GOOD LUCK,
xxxx xxxx S xxxx xxxx
LORENMATE


Joined: 28th Apr '08
Posted: 30/04/08 22:48
if the man that 'loved' you could do this too you than he's not worth your time of day! He may have ruined your marriage but don't let him ruin the rest of your life. YOUR NOT TOO OLD! never say that . get back out their and get your gladrags on my love. You only live once! all the best xxx
TAZARIN

Joined: 22nd Feb '08
Posted: 20/04/08 12:39
Hi - my heart goes out to you. My husband left after 40 years of marriage when I was just about to retire. I was devastated but wish it had happened sooner when i had more time to reincent myself, start a new job/career, the opportunities would have been endless even l0 years since. So make the most of it, I am trying to. My goal is to be able to say in a year or so that it was the best thing that happened to me and he did me a favour. i'm sure that in a few years you will think like that. Heres to the future and much happiness.
AYRLOU


Joined: 17th Jul '07
Posted: 20/04/08 11:51
well, this just takes time. I had to start all over again. At the time i hated it and i really struggled. But with time and my commitment i can now eventually look back and say to myself. Look were i am now and i did it all by myself. If it wasnt for him cheating i wouldnt have developed the confidence and increase my self esteem to where i am now!!!! So chin up and prove to yourself that you are stronger than you think.
LITTY2260


Joined: 4th Mar '08
Posted: 17/04/08 14:55 1 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
Trust me , time is a great healer, i have been there to and it isnt nice.
What you have got to do now is get out to those shops and buy something really nice to wear, have your hair done, and make sure he knows that you are going out , let him see you and he will regret what he has done. At the moment he thinks the grass is greener over that side, but trust me, it wont be for long and he will stat txing you, but its up 2 you if you want to wait.
SIENNA

Joined: 8th Feb '08
Posted: 17/04/08 08:56
you are soooo special, please dont think your the only one here like this, your low self worth will build, dont go back, history wll repeat itself, and you sooo deserve more, have fun looking lol :')
CAPTAIN


Joined: 15th Feb '08
Posted: 16/04/08 20:38
Hey don't put yourself down ! i thought all them things too ..and look at me !! ..... ok... ?... look at someone else !!
DUKE1

Joined: 1st Apr '08
Posted: 03/04/08 10:14
all the comments are right anon,im divorced too,after 20yrs,thought my marriage was for ever,its taken me a long time to adjust to my new life but i.l get there in the end, you too, your younger than me,so stand more of a chance to find happiness again.duke1x
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