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Men and their exes

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"Men and their exes"
Dear Lynn,

What is it about the hold that exes have on their men as I've recently met a guy who I got on brilliantly with, went on a few dates but then his ex from 2 months ago turns up on his door step asking for him to give them another go......he tells me that hes not sure what to do as he likes me but felt that he should go back to his ex as they ended it over something stupid! but since telling me this he has constantly been in touch with me saying how bad he feels about the situation as he wouldnt have started seeing me if he knew that he still had feelings for her. But at the same time he misses my company and could we remain friends. he asked me to meet him for a drink only a few days after he told me about his ex, we chatted for ages and he told me that he still liked me a lot, for the next few days he kept texting me asking me if i was ok, in the end i had to tell him not to text as it wasnt fair on me as I felt he was keeping me to one side just in case it didnt work out with his ex! so why do men feel as thou they have to go backwards instead of moving forwards with someone new.....are they scared of the unknown?????

 Anon, 39yr old female - Posted: 11/09/2007
Lynn says.. Page: 1 . 2 . Next
Posted: 12/09/07 11:42
Hello, Coming from someone who has been through a similar thing in the past, It sounds to me that he started dating again too soon after his ex and that he is just holding on to you just in-case his ex doesn’t take him back, I feel that he is using you till he gets back with his ex, and if it doesn’t work out for him, he will come knocking on your door again. If I was you I would be overly cautious of the whole matter and don’t be too quick to reply to his texts! And as regards to being ‘Scared of the unknown’ I think everyone is, but I feel we should take these steps in life else how else do we learn from our mistakes. You should move on and live your life and not through his. I believe things happen for a reason and these are the things that make us wise in the future!
Second Opinions..
NEON

Joined: 12th Jan '02
Posted: 23/01/08 10:38
he,s definatley playing you along,get shut of him.i had the same done to me last year, she had me on a piece of string,i just stopped replying to her texts in the end...she went back to her fella, an yup they still keep fallin out.
CANDYGIRL1


Joined: 19th Jan '08
Posted: 22/01/08 17:44
IT SOUNDS TO ME HE HASNT GOT OVER HER AND STIL LOVES HER. IF THAT WASNT THE CASE HE WOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO LEAVE HIM ALONE AS HE IS NOW WITH YOU. SORRY BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR BETTER OF WITHOUT HIM. LEAVEING NOW WIL BE EASYER NOW THEN LATER. FIND SOME1. WHO U DESERVE AS YOU DESERVE BETTER THEN THAT. HOPE YOU MAKE THE RITE CHOCE FOR YOU GOOD LUCK IN WHAT YOU CHOCE TO DO AND REMEMB
MARKYMARK991


Joined: 22nd Sep '07
Posted: 01/10/07 22:17
Children don't give up thier mums and mums don't give up thier children because there is a special bond between them. Men have the next best thing which is the Ex wife. Men form complex bonds with thier wives over the years and they are not severed as quickly as we men make out. Regardless of the circumstances of the split we still feel the lion share of the guilt. We feel that we are to blame even when we are not. That is why it is normal for the man to move out. A man will go back instead of foward because he is still trying to make amends for all his failings wether true or not. You also have to conquer the facts that he remembers the years of happy times but only has a short time of happiness with you. I hope that if my time comes I am now strong enough to say to the ex thanks but no thanks.
WARREN63


Joined: 22nd Jul '06
Posted: 26/09/07 16:19 1 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
he is obviously playing the game till he gets what he wants from both of you. why not try and meet up with his so called ex and tell her what is really going on so you can both see him at the same time and dump him together. you may even end up being the best of friends afterwards and go out on the town together and meet a decent guy???
NAUGHTYNEO

Joined: 23rd Sep '07
Posted: 25/09/07 22:05

Basically its all to clear....at the end of the day he knew that his ex could wash his socks and pants, but he couldn't take the gamble that you would do the same for him !

be smart, someone that likes the grass on both sides is not worth trusting as far as you can throw em !

WANT2SPOIL


Joined: 26th Feb '02
Posted: 21/09/07 08:02
Depending on the previous relationship , length, children , divorce etc then he tried to get into another relationship to early. If it was just a dating relationship then he is playing games
NORTH-LONDON

Joined: 25th Jan '06
Posted: 20/09/07 00:16
tell him to get stuffed
ELLIEMAY57


Joined: 27th Jun '07
Posted: 17/09/07 22:33 2 out of 2 people found this comment helpful.
Seems some men (and some women) just don't want to let go of the past. It's also a bit like "having it all" where the idea that he's so wonderful his ex can't let him go and the new girlfriend wants him too. I know it's not easy to walk away but this deluded guy is carrying too much baggage and I really think he's not worth your time - or affection. Who knows, when you walk away he may well come running after you. I came to the conclusion years ago that men often want to stay friends after a relationship ends so there's always a "spare" waiting in the background. Move on without him, he just can't be worth the hurt and confusion. Hope you have a great future, you deserve it.
ADRONIS


Joined: 16th Sep '07
Posted: 16/09/07 20:44 2 out of 2 people found this comment helpful.
he's keeping you warm...give him the boot and that's from a guy...
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