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"The Long Distance Relationship"
Dear Lynn,

Hi...recently been chatting to a man on here who lives 350 miles away...never ben one to do LDR but he does seem rather nice...we have chatted on the phone for 4/5 hours each evening..he has a brill sense of humour and we make each other laugh......He has now told me a few 'thruths about himself' He is still married but separated, he had another relationship 7 years ago...she died 18 months ago...he is still in a business partnership with his wife and she will get his pension when he dies..He said that if he get divorced the pension will die with him...I am now thinking forward and If we get on when we meet and eventually I give up my home and move to where he is...I am wondering what security I would have if anything were to happen to him...cant see the wood for the trees at the moment...it is a long way to move and if it is a stupid move I need let it go now rather than let him drive all that way to meet up.. If you can help me 'see sense of it' I will give more infor if needed Many thanks

 Anon, 58yr old female - Posted: 17/02/2008
Lynn says.. Page: 1
Posted: 26/02/08 16:08
Hi there. You’re talking about moving 350 miles away for a man you haven’t even met yet? I personally think this is crazy talk. You say he has NOW told you some home truths about himself, are you saying you didn’t already know he was married? I’m a bit confused because you say he is married but was also in a relationship with someone else 7 years ago (the lady who died 18 months ago), does this mean he married recently i.e. within the 18 months since the previous woman died or was cheating on his wife with the women? Why would his pension die if he divorced his wife? Why do you feel that you should be the one to have to move and give up your life, why can’t he give up his? Sounds like you are considering giving up a great deal for a man you haven’t even met yet, who appears to have a lot of baggage just because "he does seem rather nice"!!. Need i say more? :shakeshead:
Second Opinions..
DONDRIVING

Joined: 8th Dec '07
Posted: 06/05/08 15:44
Why don't you plan a mini break together, to see how get on, but make sure it's within striking distance of your home. As for the pension most pensions are transferable.do meet up but be wary, make sure your friends know were you are
RANDDE4U

Joined: 16th Apr '08
Posted: 05/05/08 16:26
WOW THIS SUBJECT INTRIQUED ME.As i am getting divorced thought several probmatic things in our relationship,but started to play a game called " SECOND LIFE", its a very, explicit adult form of the sims,( try it and see).lol and have had several dates on line, but have met this fantanstic lover,( she is 60, im 53) and she lives 6000 miles away.we have just gone webcam, and her beauty and sexualy outshines my present wife. The piont to make here is this, as it is varying question with many answers,is,>>>>> age is only a number either of us feel our age,our interests are almost identical,our social lives are just a littlediferant,
but we have come to love each other,by looking at each other, all the emotions, and eveything that goes together, and 600 miles and the time zone is killing me .lol but we are going to arrange a met to see if we are compatiable.then hopfuly make a msive change to our lifes and lives together if all works out, so anon keep your sprits up love and make it work, we are going to give this out best shot so you need to, too, kiss bernie
BROGGIE


Joined: 15th Apr '02
Posted: 12/03/08 09:16 2 out of 3 people found this comment helpful.
From what you are saying this man is talking a big pile of stinking poo. Do not allow his 'charm' to go any further. Go find someone who is not only properly available, but will love you enough to want to share all they have with you. NEVER in my life have I come across a pension that is not transferrable to another spouse...
I smell a rat, and it dont smell good.




Ray.
JULES59


Joined: 30th Oct '07
Posted: 10/03/08 20:29 0 out of 1 people found this comment helpful.
Dear Anon.....I know pretty much how you are feeling. I meta man on internet last November a nd we have met up back in January and got on really well. He makes me laugh every day and I have developed strong feelings for him. I say do what your heart tells you. Life is to short not to. I would pack up my home, taking my horses and children with me tomorrow if thats how it works out, but do meet first...as someone else said it can be the make or break of a relationship, to meet. Good luck with your quest for love.
BAMBOO1984

Joined: 9th Mar '08
Posted: 09/03/08 20:16
To be honest, i would leave it now. He still has a big connection with 'ex' wife. Its great that he has been honest with you, but this pension malarky just doesnt ring true........
CRAVING4U

Joined: 9th Mar '08
Posted: 09/03/08 15:02
As one who is in a very LDR (UK/South Africa) all I can say is it is too early to think about the future. You should meet him first ... after all, you may not feel as much for him after seeing how the facial expressions and body language between you. It is one thing talking on the phone (I do this 4-5 times every day) but it is TOTALLY different when you meet, believe me. I hope things work out for you but please take things slowly at the moment and if you DO meet and you still feel the same, ask the same question again and I will give you the next instalment (only my opinion, of course!).
TAMPONMULTI


Joined: 8th Dec '06
Posted: 06/03/08 13:59
Long distance can work, im living proof, i have been with my long distance boyfriend for 2 years and we are now planning to buy a house together etc.

However, i would be a little weary about this guys situation, its easy to become someone else on the internet, i could be a tall leggy blonde with bright blue eyes and huge boobs if i wanted to be...but i not.

Be careful your not falling for a fictional character he has made up. Also, things can always look rosier than what they really are so it would be better for you to not have any high expectations.
MAG

Joined: 5th Mar '02
Posted: 02/03/08 22:21
Dear Anon - open your eyes, he is an insecure man with a wife who also happens to be his business partner and will get everything when he dies - pension, business, and home probably! If you have nothing to lose in this move then you should follow your heart, but if you need advise then I suspect you have a lot to lose. Wake up and smell the coffe.
ELLE9


Joined: 16th Sep '07
Posted: 02/03/08 09:44 2 out of 2 people found this comment helpful.
It sounds very much that he is carrying a lot of unclosed business. You are still at the start of the relationship so don't read to deep into anything. Enjoy his company but he needs to finalise his past before there is any place in it for you.... good luck
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